Make me feel alive
by Dragemenian jew
Summary: When back in town after his latest journey to the desert, Leon finally feels ready to move on from Rolandes death. So what will happen when someone from his past, stands wounded outside his hotelroom, asking for his help? Warning; Yaoi-lemon!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Lol! I know what you must be thinking now! "NO! Is she writing another yaoi-fic involving Bayman!". As a matter of fact I do. As you can see on my profile I´m quit devoted to this particular character, and I have always thought that out of the possible DOA yaoi-pairings (actually the possible DOA-pairings in general now that I think of it), th****is was the most logic one. I know this is not a popular pairing, but I find it one of the most interesting couples ever, so therefor I will publish it no matter what you think. **

**And oh! Before you start reading, picture Bayman and Leon the way they were drawn in DOA 3/DOA U, because the way they were drawn in DOA 4 is just a pure mockery of their normal hotness. **

_Make me feel alive_**  
**

I was sitting on the bed of my hotel room, looking outside the window. What I was doing here I wasn´t entirely sure. In fact, I wasn´t even sure of what I´d been doing all this year safe for the fact I´d spent most of it in the desert.

The desert, yes! The place where I used to spend most of my days when I wanted a rest from my missions, the place I went when I wanted a break from this damn thing called living.

_Living? _Something I hadn´t been good at for years. Not since... The years gone by had made it easier admitting, both to myself and out loud. Rolande, the woman that´d portrayed _life _in every single way to me was no longer part of _life, _and wouldn´t be if I wished myself sick for it. But somehow even though she hadn´t been part of life for years, she´d been the one I´ve spent most of my time with. Visiting the place where she´d died had always given me some sense of peace, some sense of _her _even though she wasn´t physically there.

But it was if though two and a half year of people that wasn´t _physically there _had made me start missing the ones that were. This tournament something´d happened, and now three months afterwards it still didn´t leave me.

I remembered the still clothed body underneath my own, the muscles contracting in protest as I straddled him, pressing his wrists to the ground. Fury? Something so very unusual for him, the very image of collectiveness and control.

But this tournament around he´d lost it, launching at me seemingly without a thought behind his attacks. I had countered him easily, wrestling him down to the ground with my superior strength. He had been struggling despite the meaninglessness of it, yelling at me while doing so. _"So why don´t you just do something, Leon? Why don´t you just finish what you´ve started?" _

But I hadn´t, I hadn´t preformed any of the fatal counter-follow-ups I´d generally preformed on my opponents, I just pressed him to the ground, looking into his face as he slowly lost the mask he´d worn all the years I´d known him.

"_Kill me!" _he´d screamed, _"complete what´s been between us for so long!" _

It´d stricken me then how beautiful that face was, even when twisted in fury, how much younger then his age he truly looked, and possibly was.

"_Just do... something", _at the last words his voice had been a whisper, the expression in those beautiful eyes something that looked yearning almost...desperate?

And I had wanted to do _something. _Though killing had had nothing to do with it. But instead I´d rose to my feet, slowly turning my back towards him as if though that´d been the correct thing to do. The way our short meetings had always ended, and would always end.

I´d left for the desert, like I´d done every time I´d left the DOA-tournament. But this time it hadn´t been the same. If every time I was in town, I´d longed for the desert, this time when I´d been in the desert I´d longed back to town. For what? For whom?

I closed my eyes, my fingers traveling over the pillow, tracing down as if though it´d been silky skin. But what I grabbed this time around wasn´t ample breasts but...

My mind traveled back to the last tournament I´d participated in. For the first time when I´d fought, I´d actually felt _alive, _as if though my heart was beating again, for something, for _someone. _I remembered those blue eyes looking into mine again, the pressure underneath my groin as I kept him locked to the ground. Part of me had wanted to keep him that way, rubbing against him until he pleaded, not to be released, but yes... for some kind of release. Had it been a plea in those otherwise so collected eyes?

When thinking about it, I realized that the same expression might have been present every single time we´d met, even if only fragments of it. But whatever it was... I shrugged my shoulders, it was to late to do anything about it now. I rose from the bed, walking down to the bar. I was leaving tomorrow, so why not enjoy the fact I got first class beer to a shamelessly low prize the last night I was here?

_._

After sitting at the bar for an hour I had already got enough of the fun. Hanging around with snobs had never really been my cup of tea anyways, and especially not drunken ones. I wouldn´t say I was particularly tired but yes, tired of sitting here. Tired of meeting only faked, pompous, people wherever I went.

I went up the stairs, almost loosing balance. I had drunken a good amount of that beer. But what did it matter? I didn´t really have anything to worry about, especially not in a hotel full of drunken snobs. I opened the door, drawing a deep sigh as I got into the room. Seeing as I hadn´t brought much packing, there wouldn´t be much packing to deal with tomorrow. Just taking of! I sat down on the bed, taking of to where? I thought a good deal of that before drifting of to sleep.

_._

I had been asleep for two hours when suddenly waking up from violent knocks on my door. I sat up in my bed, furious being robbed of the little sleep I had the chance of getting. Seriously? Who the hell thought they were important enough to makes such noises at twelve o´clock at night?

"Get the hell away from here!" I called out.

_**Bang!Bang! Bang! **_I sighed. Apparently some people didn´t know what "get the hell away from here" meant.

_**Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang! **_It sounded as if though the person on the other side intended to break the door. I rose from the bed only clad in boxers as the assaults grew worse.

"Okey!" I snarled, "you have three seconds to get your ass out of here or I´ll kick it into your chin!"

I opened the door, ready to show the imbecile I meant business when suddenly becoming speechless.

He was supporting himself against the wall, his black clothes bloody, a bruise on his left cheek.

"Can I come inside?" despite the fact he must have been in pain he gave that significant smirk, "I won´t take long Leon. Just need to wash all this of".

I was so shocked seeing him, I couldn´t get a word out of my lips. Even though he was bloody, bruised, dirty and probably had a band of annoying followers after him I might be forced to fend of, I was yes... happy.

"Sergei...", I starred at him, long and hard. Despite all the dirt, despite all the bruises he still looked so handsome, so... Then all of a sudden the anger came. How _dared _he show up at this time of night_? _Without an explanation, without any sense of shame?

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Call me Bayman!" he said, "and as for this", he gestured towards his bloody clothes, "business that long ago stopped being your concern", his voice was filled with a sudden bitterness at the last words.

I starred wide eyed at him before finally coming to my senses. Bayman was standing here, outside my door, wanting my help.

"Come inside!" I gestured towards my room.

"Thank you!" Bayman´s voice was indifferent as he let go of the wall, walking into the room.

I could see he´d been badly injured from the way he was limping. His every step seemed to be torture to him but yet he tried his best to seem as if though it didn´t bother him.

My sweet Sergei, always showing strength no matter what happened to him. Suddenly I felt an overwhelming tenderness, watching him as he sat down on top of the bed.

"So what´s happened to you?" I asked seriously.

"The usual!" Bayman shrugged his shoulders, "tried to get revenge on Donovan. Though this time I got caught, tortured and nearly killed".

He´d said it. Just as if though he´d been talking about a ski-trip. Sure, I´d always considered myself tough, but Sergei... Sometimes I was wondering if he expressed himself this carelessly because he didn´t care or simply because he _did. _

"Could you borrow me some clothes Leon?" Bayman said calmly, looking down at his own bloody ones, "because as you see..."

"Sure!" I said, "no problem".

"Thanks!" he rose to his feet with more then a slight effort, "So where is the..?"

"Just over there!" I pointed towards the bathroom.

He started unbuttoning his shirt, a grimace on his face as the fabrics went of his shoulders then slowly down his arms.

I didn´t realize exactly how badly he was injured until seeing how the shirt somehow got attached to his elbows, staying there as he bent forwards, rubbing his arm.

"You need help?" I asked with a discresission I didn´t think I possessed.

"No!" he shook his head, "I´m not a baby! I think I can undress myself pretty well."

Despite the sarcasm in his voice I wasn´t willing to believe him. _Oh, sweets what have they done to you! _Despite the horrors I´d seen in my life the bruises covering his chest made me hurt inside.

I closed my fists! Whoever they were they were going to pay big time for this.

"The bruises were Christies work", he said as if though he´d read my mind, "I gotta hand it to her. Even though she´s not much of an assassin she´s got quit some skills on hand to hand".

_That little bitch! _If I was ever to find her...

"Don´t bother. It´s none of your concerns anyway", he kept pulling the shirt of his arms, making another grimace all of a sudden, "Aouch!" he muttered.

"I`ll help you!" I decided, walking resolute towards him.

"No, Leon I..."

But I was already standing with my hands on his arms, gently relieving him of the shirt.

"Thank you!" he gave a sigh as he turned towards me, the looks in his eyes sincere and suddenly almost torn.

"No reason!" I nodded seriously, before quickly turning my attention towards his pants, opening the button keeping them together. As I pulled down the zippers I could feel the pressure of his sex against my fingertips and even though I tried my best to stay cool, I couldn´t help feeling those feelings from the last tournament return to me.

I ignored it as I´d learnt to do ever since I´ve become a mercenary as I quickly pulled down his pants, revealing black boxers. His muscular legs as well as his chest were colored in blue here and there. Whoever they were they must have had hell of a time decorating his body.

"Does it hurt?" I asked even though I already knew his answer.

"You know I can´t feel pain anymore Leon!" Bayman snorted.

And also the fact that it wouldn´t be the truth. His blue eyes though cool, were filled with a hidden emotion, a tone of defiance that only I seemed to catch up on.

I shrugged my shoulders as I started working on his shoes, knitting them up carefully. _There´s no need to be tough all the time Sergei. _I would never say it out loud, but it was the truth or rather what I wished to be the truth. I lifted his feet up carefully as I removed his shoes, slowly pulling of his socks.

I rose to my feet, suddenly aware of his almost naked body. Despite the ugly blue spots he was so damn beautiful, so appealing that all the images from last tournament came back to me. But he was here to be helped, not to live out my perverted dreams on! I quickly went towards the bed, picking up the dark blue towel.

"Here!" I placed it over his shoulders with a tenderness that even surprised myself, "I hope you don´t mind I´ve used it", I hurried saying in a more brusque tone, " I only brought one".

"Leon, I´ve been walking around in mud and blood for half the night", Bayman raised an eyebrow, "what do you think a bit of body-cells are to me?"

"You have a point", I nodded.

Sergei had to be the toughest person I´d ever known. I hadn´t experienced one single event he hadn´t made it through alive. He was probably one of the most exposed people even in our side of society and yet not a single attempt on his life had succeeded. Suddenly, I turned regretful. If only I hadn´t taken of in that way he might not have needed to become that tough.

True, I had no obligations towards someone I only knew from a failed murder attempt. But since I´d nor he´d ever been able to close the circle... I looked at him again.

"Are you sure you can do it?" I frowned as I looked at him limping towards the bathroom.

"What are you taking me for?" he looked back at me calmly, though the pain was badly hidden, "a toddler".

I looked at him in silence for a while before that tormented expression returned to his face.

"Yes thanks!" he said seriously, "I could use some help!"

I nodded as I placed a hand around his waist. He felt so soft and warm against me as he placed his arm around my shoulder. I led him towards the bathroom as I wondered who could have wanted to hurt him so badly. True, I knew how people like us handled business, what we sometimes had to do in order to make people _talk _but when it was done to _him... _All kind of reason seemed to disappear once he was involved.

I had never been so intimate with him before. Yes, we´d wrestled and the last fights we´d had, we´d looked more like two lovers in the act then two professional sambo-fighters but I´d never felt his bare skin against me in that manner, never had him so completely dependending on me.

"So how were you planning to handle this one?" he asked as I closed the door behind us, despite the pain, he had that knowing smirk on his face.

Yes, how the hell was I planning to handle this one? I looked into the shower, the space was small and if I was going to help him I would have to...

"There´s only one way to do it", I bit my bottom lip, trying to sound indifferent. I placed my hand on the line of his boxers, looking away as I quickly started removing them from his hips. Even though I tried my best to stay away from it, I could feel that soft skin, those muscles contracting under my fingertips. I closed my eyes as he lifted his feet, carefully stepping out of the black fabrics.

"Thanks Leon!" I heard him whispering.

As I rose to my feet I could see him in all his naked glory. I´ve seen naked men before, I´d been in the men´s locker room in the military and for gods sake I, myself was one but seeing him like that, his muscular yet well proportioned body, the well endowed manliness between his thighs ... I had to think of the most repulsive things I could think of not to grow hard.

"Go on in", I said.

Bayman nodded as he turned his back walking into the shower. How the hell was I going to do this?I bit my lips as I started undressing, constantly facing the wall. There was no other way to do this, so I would have to try for _his _sake. I took a deep breath as I went into the shower, leaving my boxers on the floor. He had his back turned against me but yet that didn´t seem to make anything better as I was only inches away from his soft skin.

I swallowed hard as I turned the water on, slowly letting it pour over our naked bodies, feeling his firm buttocks against me as the blood poured of his skin. Awkwardly I grabbed the bottle of soap, spreading it out over my fingers.

My hands trembled as they travelled down his chest, soaking in every inch of it. As I felt his muscles tense under that silky skin, I had a hard time keeping my movements under control. It didn´t help that he was so close to me, his cheeks pressing against my groin.

But I did what I was supposed to do, tenderly, perhaps to tenderly rubbing the dirt of his skin.

"You´re enjoying this?" I could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

"You´ll be okey", I said, pretending as if though I hadn´t heard his last comment.

I could feel his nipples stiffening under my fingertips as my movements grew more intense, not helping but feel even more aroused by it. Part of me wanted to please him, wanted to make him loose control the way he´d done during our last encounter. But he didn´t possess the strength for the moment, nor physically nor emotionally.

"Leon", he whispered all of a sudden, his fingertips weakly grabbing at my hands, "I need this!"

I stood quiet, as paralyzed in my movements as he repeated the sentence.

"I need this", his voice had a rare intensity to it as he pressed my hand to his chest.

I could feel his heart beating there almost as hard as mine.

"Please", he whispered.

I nodded as I hugged him tighter to me, slowly taking in his scent as I pressed my lips to his neck. I hadn´t fully realized how much I´d missed him until now, how badly I´d longed for a situation similar to this one. Yes, he was weak but I was going to handle him carefully, as carefully as I´d ever handled any of my plants the times I´d had time for gardening.

"I need you to touch me", he whispered, "I need you to show me I live", his voice was so feeble I didn´t recognize it, so uncharacteristically soft.

I was surprised yes, surprised by his sudden change of attitude but that didn´t mean I´d deny him his request. Where the hell had I been when he´d needed me? I was suddenly mad at myself. Why hadn´t I seen how exposed he´d been all these year, how lonely and targeted? True, he´d once targeted me, but that seemed like such a long time ago, and for whatever reasons they seemed unimportant now.

"Okey", I said, taking a deep breath as my hands traced down his chest to his muscular abdomen. I soaked him in, no rather caressed him. I could feel his body respond to my touch, feel every quiver, hear every pant I drew out of him.

I pressed my lips to his black hair, once again amazed by his softness.

"I´ve missed you", I whispered in his ear, "I´ve wanted to touch you for so long, just hold you in my arms and know... you´re still alive".

"And now I´m here", he said softly, leaning into my chest.

I moved my lips over his neck as my hands glide over his belly, grabbing the part of him that I´d never dared touching before. He was already growing hard under my fingers, the sensation of flesh and hair bringing me to the same state. I grabbed him hard, drawing out a soft pant from him.

"Leon", he whispered.

"Sergei", I whispered into his ear, daring to use his real name.

I drew him to me, letting my other hand slip over his chest as I massaged his most forbidden area the only way I knew how. I kissed his neck, his shoulder, felt his soft shivers as I ignored the growing hardness between my own thighs.

I loved him, and I knew it. I never wanted him to be away from me again. I let my fingers slip all over his body, tenderly rubbing of the rest of the dirt and blood of him, before turning him against me, pressing my lips against his. Kissing him was something that could be compared to liberation, ecstasy but yet peace. His lips were warm, soft despite the dryness caused by the dried blood covering them seconds before.

I breathed heavily as he pressed himself closer to me, pushing against my now full errection.

"Want to get to bed", I whispered as our hardened sex ground together.

"Yes!" he whispered back.

And I led him out of the shower, slowly, carefully despite my urge to touch him, to finally get the chance to explore that beautiful body. I laid him down on top of the bed as gentally as I´d ever handled Rolande, taking a long look at him.

"What is it?" he smirked, "affraid to touch?"

"I just can´t see how anyone´d want to hurt something this beautiful", I shook my head, looking seriously at the bruises over his naked body, "sure you can handle this?"

His facial expression softened, an almost sweet look in his blue eyes.

"The drugs they gave me wore of", he said calmly, "and the blood is not mine, it´s from my captores. As for Christies snake-fists, they´ll pass over. But for my lust...", he grinned, "the longer you make me wait, the worse I´m suffering. Leon...", his blue eyes looked deep into mine, "I´ve been waiting for this for far to long. I want you to touch me now".

"And I will", I nodded seriously as I bent over him, slowly moving back to kiss his bruised lips. They felt so good against mine, as if though they had always been meant to be there.

I felt his arms around my neck all of a sudden, gently pulling me towards him. And I let him, carefully placing my leg on each side of him, supporting myself against the bed not to crush his already wounded shape with my weight.

"Don´t worry", he whispered softly, "they didn´t break anything".

"They better not", I snarled, more to myself then him.

After that I mended my lips with his again, kissing as if though my life depended on it. I could feel his arms closing around me again, once again feeling his hardness underneath my own. It took all of my strength to hold back, not throwing myself all over him, but I caressed his face with my hands only slowly thrusting against him as he hungrily returned my kisses.

_Don´t hurt him Leon, _I thought while feeling his soft skin and hard muscles against my own, _never hurt him again. _As our bodies melted together, it wasn´t mainly my arousal that drove me. Being close to another person after all this time, getting to feel a warm body against mine, getting to share affections and further more _love _with someone who was willing to reply meant more to me then words could say, and for this someone to be Sergei...

"Faster please, Leon", he whispered in my ear, "I thought I was done being tormented for a while".

"I´m so glad you´re still alive", I said softly, "I´m never adventuring your wellbeing again".

"Please adventure it", he begged, placing his hands on top of my cheeks, keeping me locked to his body.

His eagerness mingled with the feeling of his hardened sex against mine, drove me nigh crazy, and the kiss he placed on my neck didn´t help very much.

"Please?" he whispered again.

And after a moment of hesitation I obeyed, speeding up my movements. The soft pants from below me made me want to take this to whole new levels, but I´d promised not to hurt him, and I intended to keep that promise.

"Leon", he moaned as I kissed his neck, his need for release even more evident.

I only replied by sucking at the base of his neck, causing him to pant even faster as I ground against him.

"Damn you Leon", he whispered, a smile on his lips before he mended our mouths together again.

His tongue felt warm against my own as the kiss deepened, the feeling of his arms surrounding me comforting, sweet. If I had my way he would fall asleep in my arms tonight, and then take of with me tomorrow. But given his indecisive nature that was an alternative I didn´t dare beliving in.

"What are you doing?" he panted as I stopped my movements, moving my hips from his.

"Taking care of you", I said.

I could feel him shivering as my lips hit his chest, his skin vibarating with every move I made.

"Damn it, Leon!" he whispered as I placed my lips around his nipple, "where do you get all this from?"

"I guess I´m just talented", I grinned as my lips traced down his muscular abdomen.

Feeling his muscles contract underneath his silky skin, hearing his heavy breaths was something I´d only felt in my dreams. How these dreams had come into my life I couldn´t really remember. If it was from loneliness, a growing attraction, a craving for closeness or all three of them I wasn´t quit sure, and nor did it matter.

"What is this?" I stopped in my movements to look at the scar on his lower abdomen.

"What is what?" he frowned as I looked him in the eyes.

"Did they do more to you then beating and drugging you?" I asked seriously.

"That Leon", he gave a meaningful smirk, "you don´t remember that?"

I looked at him in silence. Was that something I should remember?

"A souvenire from our last meeting in Russia", he raised an eyebrow.

"I´m sorry", I took a deep breath. How could I have forgotten?

"Well", he chuckled, "if someone went at me with a knife, I´m quit sure I´d cut him back. After all, you only left me a scratch".

My only reply was kissing the scar as gently as I could. I knew it wouldn´t make it go away, or make the grudge between us undone, but maybe just maybe it would make him understand that I _wanted _it undone.

"Leon, you´re far to hard on yourself", he said softly, "you couldn´t help the fact I was a recentful, vengeful, little brat, could you?"

"I shouldn´t have left you", I shook my head, "you´ve always needed, certainty, stability, care".

He shook his head in response, chuckling again.

"I´ve always needed to grow up", he said, "and I think that now finally I might. Why would you stay behind and fight for a lost cause, I mean how could I expect you to..."

His words were interupted by a loud moan as I took him in my mouth, gently stroking his most private area with my lips. Talking he could do later, satisfying him was way more important now.

The feeling of him inside of my mouth, his increased breaths, the feeling of him so utterly leaving the control to someone else...

"Damn you, Leon!" he murmured as I took him out of my mouth, slowly caressing him with my tongue.

I could hear his pants as I continued pleasing him. I liked him like this, so vulnerable, so alive. So hard, yet so fragile in my mouth.

He let out a loud moan as I reached my hand in between his thighs, lightly squeezing the softer parts of him. I could feel his muscles contracting as I kissed the innerside of his thigh, before taking him back in my mouth again.

I had never got so much reaction out of him before, not even in the worst of battles, not even, god forbid...in the moment that caused him the uggly scar on his abdomen.

Another stroke of my lips and he let go, giving out a loud moan as the evidence of his pleasure filled my mouth and hand.

"Damn you, Leon!" he murmured softly.

I grinned as I looked at him.

"Like I suspected", I said, "you´re not more then human".

I carefully licked up the signs of his release from my hand as I laid down next to him, wrapping my arms around his warm body.

"You´re still hard", he raised an eyebrow as he looked down at my still full erection, "I think you need help with that".

Before I knew it, his thigh was rubbing against me, his hand travelling down my chest. I breathed heavily as his lips covered mine again, stopping me from any possible attempt of protest. As he deepened the kiss, his thigh was replaced by a hand, eagerily massaging my errection.

"You need relief", he smiled teasingly, "I´m guessing you haven´t had any in a really long time".

I was surprised. I´d never expected him to have it in him to speak so boldly, but whatever he was saying he was right. I held my breath as he grabbed me harder.

"I´ve missed you", he whispered before kissing my neck.

I moaned as his hand found the softer parts of me, his warm body pressing harder against my own. I didn´t know if it was his touch or the fact that he was lying naked in my arms, but I let go quickly, giving a long sigh.

"That was fast", he chuckled as he licked his fingers of, "but you don´t taste half bad".

I wrapped my arms around him again, kissing him hard. I was never letting him go again, no matter what came my way.

"I´m sorry", I murmured against his black hair, "I never meant for it to be this way".

He didn´t answer me, just laid quiet in my arms.

"Will you stay here tonight?" I whispered.

He was quiet again for a while before answering.

"Leon, where the hell am I supposed to go?" he said, "I´m not even sure I´ll be able to walk out of here by myself by tomorrow".

"Don´t worry", I held him close to me, "I will have to leave this hotel tomorrow. But I will make sure you´re safe".

"How?"

"I´ll think of something".

I didn´t know what that _something _would turn out to be, but whatever it was it was going to happen and no matter where I was taking of, I was making sure to bring him with me. If he wanted it that was. Did he want it? I pondered a good deal about that before letting sleep claim me.

**AN: Ok? So what did you think. I´m planning to add another chap (though I don´t know when) to explain some things in DOA 2 and DOA 3 that didn´t quit come forth nor in the game nor in this chap, though I am not quit sure. **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: So I decided to actually write a second chap to this story and I´m hoping you´ll like how this comes out. So, enjoy! XD!  
**

_**"To keep living"**_

A few hours later my alarm rang, waking me up after a time of far to little sleep. But it had been worth it, I smiled when remembering the reason to my exhaustion. As I opened my eyes I could see _he _was already sitting in my bed not effortlessly putting on some of my clothes. I grinned as I sat down next to him, Bayman indeed knew how to handle things on his own.

"When do we need to be out of this room, Leon?" he asked.

"In an hour or so", I said calmly as I took the other sock he held in his hand away from him, gently putting it on his feet, "are you alright?" I looked seriously into his eyes, "you know after I..., after we you know..."

"Is sex such an uggly word?" an amused grin on his face, "and as a matter of fact _I _asked for it".

_Yes you did, infact you even begged for it at one point. _I smiled as I remembered his face when lying on top of him, his soft pants as I took him into my mouth.

"So apparently rumours speak true then", he gave a meaningful smirk, "that you italians are supposed to be good at these things".

I grinned again, shaking my head. We were quiet for a while, he looking outside the window, me facing the wall.

"So will you come with me?" I asked finally, turning serious again.

"I can´t exactly stay at the hotel, can I?" his eyes were unreadable, a humorous smirk on his lips.

"No! That would be stupid", I said playing along, "considering how you can hardly put your clothes on by yourself and how this hotel room is booked in my name".

"Witch means I´ll at least have to share a cab with you", he said calmly, "and where are you going next? Do you have an appartment around here?"

"Nope!" I shook my head.

"So things are unsettled then?" it wasn´t really a question.

"Yup!"

"As usual"

We were quiet as I helped him put on the rest of my clothing, and remained so until it was time to leave the hotelroom.

_._

"So New York it is then", he stated as he supported himself on my arm.

"Yes", I said seriously, "until we´ve made a decision".

"Fine", he nodded an unreadable look on his face.

We were waiting for the cab I´d ordered about twenty minutes ago, neither of us sure of where to go next. Maybe, just maybe the the hour it would take getting to New York would bring us more certainty.

"I appreciate it Leon", he said after a while, his blue eyes facing the villas a cross the road.

"What?" I whispered.

"Everything", the look in his blue eyes was distant.

"What is it that you..?"

I didn´t get time finishing the question before the black cab showed up next to us.

"Gialdi?" the man asked as he stepped out of the car.

"Yes", I nodded.

At this Bayman looked up at me giving a smirk that said _"so that´s the name these days"_.

"My latest one", I whispered to him as I opened the door.

"Nice!" Bayman gave a meaningful grin.

Without a word I helped him into the car, careful not to hurt him.

"Where to?" the driver asked as we both sat on our spots.

"New York".

_._

Bayman and I sat quietly next to one another for a good fifteen minutes before Bayman elbowed me in the side.

"Leon?", he said in a low voice, "are you asleep?"

"Why?" I looked at him with a frown.

He shook his head, a half smile playing on his lips.

"My bad", he said, "you had your eyes closed and...".

"What did you want?"

"Nothing really", Bayman looked serious all of a sudden, "I just wanted to make sure everything was okey. I kinda ruined your plans".

For some reason this made me chuckle.

"Plans?" I shook my head, "if it weren´t for you I wouldn´t have plans".

"That´s what I´m talking about", he gave a significant look, "it´s not that easy avoiding plans if you have a limbing man with an aching back travelling with you".

I looked over his face again, remembering the rivalry we´d shared for such long time. When looking at him now there was nothing threatful, ruthless or cold over his face. In fact, not even anything _lost. _

I remembered how he´d both annoyed and amused me during our time in the Russian Militairy. His neverending will to learn, his neverending obsession with going by the book. He´d been an eager student by then, a young boy willing to by any means serve his country. A dedication that had cost him his soul...

"What is it, Leon?" Bayman had a frown on his face as his blue eyes looked into mine.

"I´m not letting you go again", I said, a determination in my voice that surprised even myself, "so don´t ever think of running of".

"Where could I run Leon?" he chuckled, "I couldn´t run to the other side of the road".

"Yet you walked all the way to my hotel-room on your own", it wasn´t said without admiration.

"Hm", he shook his head, "I drove!"

I felt the weight of his head against my shoulder all of a sudden, and without bothering with the disgusted looks the driver threw us in the rear mirror I slipped my arm around him, hugging him closer to me. We sat this way in silence for almost the entire ride.

_._

"So here it is!" the driver stopped the car and I nodded in response.

"Thank you", I said as I handed over the money.

I opened the door, carefully helping Bayman, nodding as the cab quickly left the street.

"Seems he couldn´t get away quick enough", Bayman smirked.

"Yeah!" I nodded, "unfortunately the world is filled with those people".

Yes! _Those people! _People who hated those like us. _Those like us_? When had I start using such terms to describe myself? Not long ago I´d refered to myself as "the man who loved Rolande" or in other words "the strongest man in the world", but this new year had started making me want to be something more then that, had made me want to be... _Leon. _And the one Leon _loved _right nowwasn´t the one, the world found acceptable for him to love.

Bayman put his arm around my shoulder, urging me to put a a supporting arm around his waist. It felt good holding him like this, having a warm living body with a beating heart in its chest so close to mine.

Without him showing up at my hotel-room my life would have remained the way it´d remained ever since Rolande´s death, a nessescity more than a pleasure . Without him...

"I´m a bit hungry", Bayman said, "I wouldn´t die sitting down somewhere".

"Sure", I nodded.

The longer I had an excuse for him to stay with me the better it was, and the longer we stayed together, the longer I had the chance to properely explain myself.

"It wasn´t because of you, you know", I said.

"What?" Bayman looked long and hard at me.

"That I left".

"I know", he said quickly, waving my statement of as if though I´d just poured cold water all over him.

But I wouldn´t once again make the misstake of letting the moment slip away.

"I am sorry for leaving you behind", I took a deep breath as I turned him towards me, "in fact it´s the worst thing I´ve done in my life. But the war was a lost cause and I couldn´t sympathize with the Spetsnatz´s world view. And you were so deep into it that I...", I looked deep into his blue eyes that were now filled with that hidden emotion, the sign that told me he was about to break but didn´t want to show it.

"The time you left was the worst in my life", he said after a while, his eyes looking into mine with a power that nearly burnt me, "I didn´t know what was what when you left. I had one true purpose in life, a purpose I found right and reasonable but when you left I just... my world just collapsed and I didn´t know what to do", he sighed, "Leon I´ve never hated or loved a person as I´ve hated and loved you. I´m not blaming you for leaving but... you were the only thing that was really any good in my life. And when I didn´t even know where I had you...", he looked away from me, "I just..."

We walked on quietly for a while, both facing separate directions. If I´d felt like an ass before it was nothing comparing to how I felt now.

"I never knew I meant that much to you", my words were true as I said them, "I was to busy with my own thoughts and ponderings to notice anything else. I am so sorry I... I may not have noticed it then", I had a feeling, screwing up now would become inevitable, "but seeing as the relationship we had to one another by then was strictly proffessional I´d never...", I gave a deep sigh, "I´m not making things better do I?"

An unreadable look on his face, silence so loud you could hear it and then he chuckled.

"You never were the smooth-talker, Leon", Bayman said, a sincere smile on his features, "but maybe that´s what I´ve always liked about you. Whatever you do one can always tell you speak the truth and nothing else".

"I´m sorry", I could feel the blush on my cheeks.

All of a sudden I felt I was back to that time ten years ago when we´d first met, that old familiar smirk on his lips as I let out something I shouldn´t have said. And to think _I _was his mentor.

"I guess I always felt something for you", I thought out loud, "I guess I just wasn´t aware or ready to accept it".

"After all", Bayman gave an amused smile, "I guess Russia wasn´t ready for _people like us_".

"They still aren´t", I reminded him.

"Is that the truth", he raised an eyebrow, shrugging his shoulders, "hey! Leon!" he pointed at a white building with blue text on it, "we could try here!"

"Sure!" I nodded as we went into the restaurant.

_._

"It was!" he laughed once we sat down inside the warmth of the restaurant, "probably the stupidest thing I´ve ever done. I´m glad the wound healed though. It was the last time I ever put a loaded gun in my pocket".

"Do you ever miss any of those days?" I starred at him long and hard.

"Do I miss them", he frowned, his facial expression serious all of a sudden, "why I wouldn´t miss them would be a better question. Back then... I still had a chance to..."

"Turn back", I filled in.

"Yes", he nodded, "that´s it. Seems you´ve managed pretty well though", he looked over my face.

"Not exaclty", I gave a half smile, shaking my head, "I´m travelling around like a restless ghost but if I ever turn back..."

"How about the desert?" his eyes looked seriously into mine.

I sat quiet for a while. The desert had until now been the only place I´d returned to if only for days, but now however I was unsure of wether I wanted to return to it again. Just far to much sorrow, just far to much of reliving the past.

"I´m not sure of whether or not I´ll return again", I said thoughtfully, "I´ve spent to much of my time dwelling in regret".

"So that´s not where you´re going?"

I took my time answering as I looked into his blue eyes. I was ready to go anywhere really, as long as I didn´t have to do it alone. But I wanted a new place now, something that allowed me to break free from old habits.

"No!" I answered finally.

We were quiet for the rest of the time, unsure of wether there was anything left saying.

_._

As we walked out the restaurant, he with his arm around my shoulder, me with my arm around his waist we were equally quiet. He wasn´t going to seek up Donovan with the injury he had, and I wasn´t going to the desert, but that was about all we knew so far.

"Were you planning to stay in the US?" he asked finally.

"I´m not sure what I was planning", I admitted, "were you planning to head back to Russia?"

"Not in a million years", he said matter of factly.

"Why?" I gave him a curious half smile, "hasn´t that always been _life _to you?"

He replied with a snort.

"_Living? _Aren´t you a bit to embelishing in calling that a _life_?"

I fell quiet again, feeling I´d once again touched a fragile spot on him.

"The only reason I called that a life is that I didn´t know of anything better!" he continued, his voice twice as strong as usual, "and besides! Russia´s never really been known to be a good place for people like us".

_People like us. _For some reason these three words made me smile.

"What?" he glared at me like one of those few times so long ago, when I still knew how to make him loose his temper.

For some reason that made my smile even larger. He seemed so vivid all of a sudden, so angry, so young, so... alive.

"_People like us?_", I gave a meaningful grin, "does that mean you actually plan to go for this thing called _love_?"

"Haven´t I already?" he lowered his voice, an intense yet strangely serene look in his eyes that made my cheeks warm once again.

I looked over his smooth face again, for the tenth time this day recalling last night. His muscular body underneath my own, his fragility as I took him into my mouth, the gruesome yet strangely sweet scar on his lover abdomen.

"Or was I just a temporary shag?" even though the words were uncharacteristically vulgare for coming from him, the look on his face was also uncharacteristically soft and tender.

I smiled as I looked over his features. It still intrigued me how there could be such a robust and manly yet such fragile little exisistence.

I wrapped my arms around him all of a sudden, pressing him to my chest as if though he hadn´t been a tall, broad shouldered, muscular man but a helpless kitten.

I kissed his lips, his cheeks, his eye-lids, his raven hair.

"You´re everything but a temporary shag to me", I whispered into his ear, "question is, do you want to be?"

I burried my face in his hair, not bothered by the looks the people passing us by sent us.

"I came to your room, didn´t I?"

I could almost hear the smile on his lips.

"Yes", I murmured, "but you were going to leave"

"Are you sure?" the tone of his voice had that rare playfulness to it, that both brought tenderness and annoyance out of me.

"That´s what I´m not", I sighed, "and that´s what irks me. Sergei", I whispered tenderly, "you´re the one thing that matters right now and if you leave..."

"Where would I go?" he looked at me, an amused smile on his lips.

"Take revenge on Christie?"

A long moment of silence, and then his laughter filled my ears.

"I may be crazy", he chuckled, "but not crazy enough to take on the woman that nearly broke my, back when I´m hardly capable of putting my clothes on by myself".

"Will you go after her?" I turned serious all of a sudden, "when you get better?"

"My superior or not Christie was nothing but an obstacle to me", Bayman said calmly, "and since Donovan is dead...", he shrugged his shoulders.

"By whom?" I frowned, this sounded to good to be true.

"That super ninja, Ryu Hayabusa or whatever his face did some kind of magic and blew up his chopper", once again he spoke as if though this was a ski-trip and not an actual life and death situation. I swore! My time away from "the world" had turned me into a softie.

"Listen, Leon!" his voice was as serious as mine had been a few moments ago, "I´m done with revenge! At best it´s given be contemporary satisfaction but now however... Leon", he grabbed me by the shoulders, "there was a reason I came to your room last night not only because you´d let me in but... I don´t want to leave unless you want me to. So please! Allow me to forget everything that revenge means".

I looked into his eyes long and hard. There was no pair of eyes in this world that were equally sincere, no pair of eyes equally expressful.

"Will you let me?" I gave half a smile.

"Bring it on!" his smiled back, and I had never seen someone this happy.

We kissed, long and hard, his body seemingly made for my arms.

_._

I didn´t know how long we kissed, nor do I recall the events that finally brought us to my old house in Venice a few months later. I do however recall the sweet, serene expression on his face as he fell asleep next to me on the air-plane, the comforting weight of his head against my shoulder as I looked outside the window. I remember being at the point of exhaustion myself when slowly stroking his black hair, but not wanting to fall asleep in fear of missing one moment of _this_. True, he snored just a little bit but yet no one, not even Rolande had ever looked this cute when sleeping.

I remember the surprised, spontaneous and almost childish joy he´d let out when finally seeing the house despite the huge need of reparation it required, but then again he was always easy to please once he decided to be pleased. I remember his eagerness to get mine as well as his own clothes of as we lied entangled in each others arms in the poorly constructed bed. I remember caressing his hair and skin as we looked at the leaking ceiling, as satisfied as to people whom´d found the end of the rainbow.

But I cannot however remember the process that brought the house to the state that it is now, though I do remember it took its time. I do however remember we had one hell of a time doing it and that our work ended up giving great results.

As for the rest I don´t really feel there´s a need to remember, because what matters now is not the past but the present, a tempus I´ve ignored for far to long of my life. And the present as it is happens to be the best I had in my life so far.

True, I will never forget the woman who tought me love for the first time and nor will I forget the beauty of the desert. But I have someone I love equally in my present, a warm body next to me in bed, a beating heart, a warm smile. True, he does snore a bit and his temper during the morning is something I could deal without, but his laughter is one of the most liberating things I´ve ever experienced and the way he rests his head against my shoulder makes me want to cover him in a million kisses. And the most of the time I do, thanking whoever sent him my way again for giving us a second chance.

He has fully recoverd since the beating Christie gave him and the uggly blue spots that were on his body the first time we made love are but bad memories. Non the less I pay those spots extra attention, kiss them ever so tenderly after I´ve removed his clothing, I don´t know if he even remembers he used to have them but nonetheless I sooth them, somehow thanking them for bringing him my way. But the most attention I pay his scar, the one situated to the left on his lower abdomen because after all, that is what made him keep searching for me.

**AN: So there it was! And I no that this is getting kinda old now for those of us that are used to reading my stories, but vulnerable, trusting Bayman really is adorable in my world XD! Am honestly planning a new story with this pairing a longer one... But anyway, if you´ve read this fic do tell me your opinions please XD!**


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